Well, the story starts out on a cold November afternoon. The Wolfes had asked me to join them in the hunt for the Decorian white tailed deer. We were all apprehensive for the prey we were hunting was as vicious as they were savage. On the optimistic side we had Marcus Wolfe, a veteran of many such encounters with these beasts, and the Joes, a merrier duo of slayers have never been seen. Cathy was there too.
I was not worried about myself, for I had been trained to hunt the creatures the previous year by killers of the first grade. Neb was a tried and true deer assassin, whose efficiency was as complete as his utter silence. Darrel, my second teacher, was a man whose heroic deeds were as great as his giant size. Ron was there too.
But on that fateful day the gang set Cathy and I to post along the stream that runs not far behind the Wolfe compound. As I took my position on a small hill I knew that it would be up to me to kill as many of these deadly creatures as was possible, as I was the last line of defense between the deer and the virtually undefended house were the women and children cowered. Among them, my beautiful new bride, Susan, who was under the weather? As I waited in the icy cold wind I prayed my courage would hold.
The frosted silence of the Winneshiek woods was broken by the thundering of cloven hooves and the splintering of trees. As a cold feeling of dread traced its way down my spine I searched the underbrush for signs of the beast. Silence fell as my sense of foreboding deepened, and a small movement among the trees caught my notice. Frantic gunfire from across the steam shattered the stillness as Cathy and Mark desperately held their ground against advancing hordes of white tails and their cruel allies, the wild turkey.
Suddenly, the enemy came from behind the trees. She was a monster doe of at least 100 pounds! A giant of her kind, with glowing red eyes and fangs dripping in readiness for the slaughter to come. I steadied my resolve and aimed my weapon as the beast became aware of me. The moment the creature's eyes fell on my bright orange outfit I saw the consequences of my failure flash before my eyes; the Wolfe farm ablaze with bare human skeletons festering in the surrounding land, Susan weeping over an unmarked grave, and a black Democrat becoming President. As that last vision washed over me the blood of my ancestors solidified into molten iron, and awash with seething rage, I aimed and squeezed the trigger. The safety was on.
The deer, as if sensing my weakness, charged with her breath and hatred forming a cloud around her gaping muzzle. She let out a blood chilling scream as she slammed through the remaining foliage and I struggled with my weapon's safety lock. Time seemed to slow as she advanced towards me and the substance of things became almost too clear. The drops of sweat moving down my brow, the warmth and itchiness of my blue wool scarf and, the throbbing heart of the giant deer crashing towards me. A belch of fire and hot lead followed by an earth shattering kaboom split the air. The monster flinched, let out a ghoulish screech, and then as if by magic, disappeared.
Joseph stepped on a twig just as I noticed his cat-like approach to my position. It took us all of three minutes to find the body of my heart-shattered foe, and about twenty to lug her back to the truck.
Once back at the Wolfe compound we relieved the beast of her innards, and hung her up, to drain the wicked out of her. After a night in the freezing elements we deprived her of her skin and cleaned her bones of meat. Boy, did she taste good with onions!
